Our Babies in Heaven

I've had a really hard time finding my voice lately amid the special difficulties we have faced this year. Sharing with the world can be challenging in terms of finding a balance. But in one area I know we are in good company: so many families have little ones waiting in heaven. Our pregnancies have always been welcomed and celebrated, including our most recent, which was entirely too short.

May 5th I found out I was 4 weeks along - complete shock! At 42, I had sort of assumed I was past my time. What a time of praise and joy, as well as nerves and uncertainty!

We only knew for about 10 days before we had to say goodbye... at 6 weeks I miscarried. Having miscarried twins in 2007, I had a little experience going in. It's been important for me to know exactly what is happening and what to look for during miscarriage, and there is plenty of good information online now. Personal accounts helped me the most. I would like to emphasize for anyone who has yet to experience this loss that, if it's important to you, you can often see your tiny baby even as early as 6 weeks. It's simply not true that there is nothing to see. I considered it a grace and a blessing when I was able to find and bury my tiny children that were miscarried. Of course, that decision is very personal and will vary from woman to woman. This time, for my own peace, I photographed the little one I was able to see, so small you wouldn't believe. I probably would doubt myself over time if I didn't have the photos.

I would consider it a privilege to share privately with anyone who is facing miscarriage whatever information would help you to be at peace.

 Flowers my Mom brought me from her garden

From everything I know, it seems possible that I again miscarried twins. I can't say for sure since (like my first miscarriage, at 12 weeks) one baby was more clearly visible. It also seems likely that I recently had a very early miscarriage (also known as "chemical pregnancy"),  unrecognized until later. I can't know the details for certain, but I do believe I will know someday, when I meet those precious souls in the next life. They are treasures to our family and I count on their prayers for us since they live in the very presence of God!

I look forward to one day knowing these little people and finding out who they really are. We have chosen names for them, because it helps them seem more real and present to us. I personally feel best choosing a gender-specific name based on my instincts, rather than an ambiguous name - again, a very personal choice which feels right for us. (We might get a surprise or two on the other side!) Our children here with us know about the babies and love them and feel connected to them as well. With half our family in the next life, the distance between heaven and earth feels not quite so vast.

Statue of Jesus blessing the children, 

that marks our babies' graves

 

We know that we are not alone in our loss. Miscarriage is not easy to discuss but it is a common sorrow, held deeply in the hearts of families, especially mothers, everywhere. Please keep our family in your prayers as we grieve our loss in the present, try to accept God's will now and in the future, and celebrate the eternal happiness of our children who were here on earth with us so briefly.

 

St Nicholas Day Party

The St. Nick party last week was a success! We did have 23 kids and a total of 34 people in our house. It went amazingly well since there were plenty of activities to keep everyone occupied. We did 2 crafts: a color-your-own holy card with an image of St. Nicholas, printable here, and some foam ornaments that were simple even for little kids to put together.

I was thankful for my sister-in-law Katie supervising the crafts - she even cleaned up this mess afterward! Not a small feat for someone just about full-term with the newest member of our homeschool group.

Meanwhile, we finished setting out dinner in the kitchen (it was potluck).. You can see that some Dads were able to join us. Food, fun, and fellowship in the kitchen!

We had already made a nice dent in the dessert area by the time I took a picture...

...before we put on the St. Nicholas movie. The kids surprised us by relaxing long enough to actually watch the whole thing this year!

Then we played "St. Nicholas Chimney Toss" (inspired by Charlotte, here) with the kids grouped by age level. I had made a "chimney" out of a cardboard box, and the kids tossed in "bags of gold" in imitation of St. Nick  (see the moneybags on the table there?) The top scorers in each group won prizes.

I didn't get any action pictures since I was too busy running the game. But here I am with one of my favorite winners. Those are reindeer antlers on his head!

Finally, a large red sack appeared on the doorstep filled with treat bags for all the kids, a great finale to all the fun. A very good evening!

We just enjoyed relaxing weekend... now it's "real" St. Nicholas Day and the kids found their shoes stuffed with small treats and toys. Blessed Feast Day to all, and may St. Nicholas provide whatever it is you are needing today. God bless you, readers!

(from stnicholascenter.org)

Michaelmas

The feast of the Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael (all named in the Bible) was celebrated September 29th. I found this easy craft idea for the kids, perfect for a last-minute mom like me to set up! The kids had fun putting their angels together, although for Brendan, who colors meticulously, it was a lesson in diligence - coincidentally, our "virtue of the month" for September.

Anything they can cut out and turn into "action figures" is motivating for these guys! I get their hands busy and then read them stories as they work. I read about each Archangel from our Picture Book of Saints. St. Michael is our favorite - swords and battles, what can I say?? I also read a kid's story about how we can battle the devil in the present, and taught them the St. Michael prayer.

Here is where I found the printable template for the angels. Make sure to click on the image, not on the words. Also be sure to go to page setup and change your printer to landscape setting, so it fits. These could be used as Christmas ornaments too, don't you think? If  you have crafty-er kids than I do, there are all sorts of ways they could decorate these.

 
Next year, if I plan ahead, we can have angel hair pasta or angel food cake. Or, I could steal an idea from someone I read of (sorry, I can't remember where) who made devil's food cake and gave the kids cocktail swords to stab it with. Now that would go over well around here! Holy Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, pray for us.

A saint I can relate to...

I put this on my sidebar but it's too small to see any detail. I'm posting it here in case, like me, you want to get a closer look. This came from Leonie's blog, which says it is St. Margaret of Scotland. Unfortunately I have no idea what the original source might be. In any case, other than the crown (and halo!) it looks like we have a lot in common!

St. Margaret was an English princess who fled England, married the Scottish king Malcolm, and raised 6 sons and 2 daughters while inspiring her people with her virtue and generosity. Read a brief biography here.

Edited to add: I'm really not trying to compare myself to a saint, ha! Just saying it's nice to see one looking so domestic!